tl;dr, but, you don't have any student loans outstanding? You actually still have some money? I guess it makes sense to double-down, and do grad school. I just hope there's work of any kind by the time you graduate, because the currency markets are quivering over the Fed's QE pump running dry.
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Comments
nope, no debt fortunately. My parents help a lot and I get some discounts on insurance and tuition if I get good enough grades.. I have had a job for a while, and I'm good with saving money, so I'm trying not to worry about money so much now...I just need to find direction first.
Direction or motivation? You learn what's marketable (or in demand), then you find someone worth working for... the latter is usually the hardest for some reason. I've seen plenty of new Americans take jobs way below their talents... it's almost like immigration ought to be tied to unemployment numbers, but everyone in DC is paid off to approve cheap labor.
definitely direction. Direction is what's needed to find something (better than just some*one*!) worth working for. I get good enough grades, and it's certainly not due to my intelligence it's because I'm a hard worker, interested, and motivated to do my job as a student..if anything, this lame-ass blog post is a testament to having plenty of motivation to DO something, but motivation applied to nothing, isn't much good at all. If I had direction, I would be able to apply and seek out pertinent education, and career plans...otherwise I'm just kinda fumbling in the dark. It's good to explore, and obtaining knowledge for the sake of itself is by no means a bad thing but there comes a point where one needs to settle down, find a purpose, and apply all skills and knowledge attained. Oops, I'm rambling again...
Ha! true. Even worse are the prison complexes. A lot of construction, custodial, sanitation, and environmental jobs are given to inmates who work (and somewhat surprisingly, competitively apply for) for a few nickels an hour. It's great that prisoners can be put to some use, but it would be nice if the jobs could be given to actual non-criminal American citizens who are unemployed. Yeah, and the whole thing about cheap labor is just too bad...it seems like earning a salary supportive of a small, non roach-infested apartment with internet connection is too much to ask for these days...
The private prison system, as well as county, state, military and federal, are big businesses. Easy work, sure, but the mental cost of guarding... it's bad. And as someone who used to professionally do those jobs you listed, I can say it takes practice and discipline to do the job right, as a matter of public health and safety. Can only imagine how fucked up the cruise line companies are, to let their passengers get sick, while their shareholders are not.
We all get born with nothing, but in the end, the one thing we can take with us, is our principles and love of life. Aim for somewhere where your morals and love are needed. Life on Earth means conflict, and the good guys are in short supply.
true...good nugget of wisdom there at the end, will have to keep that in mind.
Reached an epiphany yet?
Ha, no. It's only been a week man :P
although on a related note to this overall blog, I was offered a STEM based scholarship that pays for a master degree in secondary science education, and is completed in one year (three semesters including summer). the only caveat being, you have to sign a contract to teach at a local high school for 3 years...which could be a good thing if you're just looking for a semi-long term way of receiving funds and benefits from a job, bad if it turns out that it's not something you really want to do. do you think I should go for it? I've always been intrigued by the idea of teaching, I certainly consider such a profession very meaningful, just afraid I wouldn't be very good at it, especially at a high school level where engaging the students interest and maintaining the delicate balance between teaching the content and class management is critical.
Definitely talk to a teacher, maybe someone from your old high school. I'd go for it, but it all depends on getting a job somewhere, and within the contract time limit... can it be done?
Context shouldn't be a problem... just bring up Breaking Bad, and you got a foot in the door. But yeah, HS kids are miserable to teach, any one over grade 5 sucks to work with. And it's basically stand-up comedy, and a marathon - lots of talking, acting, engaging, and homework, but you do get a killer union, weekends off, and only work half the year. Even garnished, it pays okay...
40+ years ago, it used to be common practice for banks to make deals like that - after graduating, work in public service or schools for a set number of years (garnished), and afterwards, your student loan is paid off. Now all they care about is making as much money as possible, which means you have to jump right into the fast lane, and slave for their bottom line.
Oh wow, I wasn't a very good high school student now that I think about it. Wouldn't know how I would feel talking to an old high school teacher.
Still haven't seen a full episode of Breaking Bad.
has it gotten progressively worse? seems like people have trouble finding even menial work coming out of school. either they're overqualified or over-entitled and remain unhired.
It has gotten worse, and shows no sign of abating. That said, being in a crucial field like teaching, seems like a good bet... but even then, the future has become increasingly bleak. The US loves to import talent, regardless of what's available. I've met doctors working at Lowes, network engineers driving taxis, program directors bagging groceries... and they're still working, and not getting hired for what they trained, so, sink or swim, they re-train for crap jobs.
This might just be part of the reason, but U.S. imports talent because they can get Asians to do an equally good if not better job, for half of the asking price. I don't know, perhaps some Americans just feel they're entitled to too much...that's a gross general statement all the same, but I try not to take from this Earth what I can't give back. Any ideas on what's a more viable solution for the people in DC to do other than to sign off for cheap labor?
I find it hard to believe doctors would ever have trouble finding relevant work. Even if it meant working at a non-profit or volunteering at a free-clinic, which may mean they have to sell their BMW and season tickets. Network engineers, program directors I can understand, but medical practitioners are universally needed.
Humm, that post and then... a smiley? :P Well you do say you're not actually feeling depressed but that was an odd combo. This post rings true with much of what I'm going through as well, feels like all my buddies have moved out, have careers, are venturing away on adventures and doing stuff with life (one's even getting married), but I've yet to find that purpose. Yet the longer the wait, the harder it'll be to get where you want to go. I blame the society (too much democracy?) for not making the choices and taking all chances I get, but it's really just an issue of discipline... or confidence... or maybe it'll all make sense in due time.
Fetish photographer?! lol, apart from that those all seem like considerable choices. You never fail still you stop trying! And if you stop trying, you never fail. :P (just ignore that last bit of wisdom btw, just playing with words, it's really not really wise)
You think that's odd? What about ending this post with a Korean using a bike to give himself a head massage.
The longer you wait, the better the resolution of the reflection of your future self in the mirror. Some just plug through their life, experiencing an initial behest that they have to graduate college by their early twenties, find a document processing job, work the way up the college ladder and start a family some time in their late 20s to early 30s. Only to more clearly realize it's not what they really want to do until they're in their 50s.
Now, I'm not in any way trying to look down at people who choose such a path...their life becomes their family, and that's great. You need to have money to provide, so you go to school get a marketable degree, and find a safe job that contains good family benefits. Their offspring becomes their purpose, and such is admirable...But that's not for me. The older I get the less I want to have kids.
Fetish and erotic photography is just another venue of art. It would be a lot of fun, models get paid to dress up(or down), look good & feel good about themselves. Some see it as people tastelessly prostituting themselves for money for viewers to objectify them, I see it sensual expression where the audience gets to appreciate them.
Ah yeah, the Korean! Was going to comment on that as well but I could think of nothing more clever to say than 'that doesn't seem very pleasurable massage'.
True, it's only when that really is what they wanted to do that the fast-paced process of norm would work out well. I think a lot of people just don't follow intuition (and sure, a lot of people are forced onto a certain path), growing up in a family that haven't restricted my choices at all (apart from subtly in terms of moral and honesty) I could have followed my dream early on and gotten where I think I'd have liked to be right now; experienced so much more on the path towards greater clarity, instead I've stalled and now I'm no longer sure that the place I previously wanted to go is the same. Of course visions could change, you constantly evolve as a human being, but it's more like I'm not so intent on chasing these visions any longer; it feels like an unreal expectation that everything is possible. And that dream btw was becoming an artist, but lately I seem to be settling more of being an author; working from a distance... that clarity that you might get on a 50th birthday... I hope it doesn't take that long to find a sense of existential wisdom! Maybe it's a phase, maybe life is a constant reflection of choices and intent, or maybe I could have played my cards a bit quicker.
As for kids, I can't say I'm intrigued by the notion of getting any, but at the same time I'm appalled by the notion of leaving nothing behind - of not having a legacy to carry on after I leave. Adopted kids... they wouldn't be me. At the same time the will for a legacy keeps me away from relationships because that's not a very kind and charismatic future plan, I think I'd prefer a warm family over caring for leaving something behind, but in lack of the latter I focus on the material end. Probably.
Hmm, it does sound pretty inspiring and pleasing a job. Though if I worked as one I'd have a bit of a hard time telling anybody what I do, specially friends and family. :/
It's not pleasurable, but it's entertaining. try to watch it loop 5+ times without laughing.
so do you still want to become an artist? or do you prefer writing more now, and/or is it just because writing has come a bit more natural to you? I feel like I kinda fucked up my chance by not completely following through with my aspirations here: http://suspended-3rd-chord.newgrounds.com/news/post/135856#comments ... it's something I still think about every day, even though their have been bouts where I've lost that desire and think I'm not cut out for it. As you said previously, the longer you wait the harder it is to get where you want to go, and that especially rings true for art. To me, there's a huge difference between being 19 and 25. The former is still being a teenager, at 25, you have lost the opportunity to make something out of 'fun'. Drawing, playing music, writing poetry, while useful to society, in the end, is largely fun. Atleast there's more practical uses for visual communications and writing.
Why would the will to have a legacy keep you away from relationships? Shouldn't it be the opposite. You would need to find a partner to bear your children obviously. I've never put much thought into leaving behind a legacy. And the fact that I'm pretty much romantically incompatible with women would make it impossible to start/continue one. Foregoing leaving my life behind is such is a little depressing, but in the grand scheme of everything, we are an over populating species on this small Earth. We are just people, with unique traits, who by chance came to fruition from two random people mating, at a random time of day, in a random environment, with a random sperm cell winning the race to fertilize the egg over millions of other sperm cells. I do hope to make some kind of lasting impact though, but I don't care much to be eternally credited it with it, or be connected to it through heredity.
Why do you feel it would be hard? Would it go against the subtle moral implications set by your family? My parents, father atleast, are strictly religious and would frown upon such. Much of the (public) decisions I've made up until now have been due to making my parents happy. I want to stay true to my inner self, but part of my inner self lives to minimize disappointment in certain other people.
Tried and succeeded... but I did laugh reading that message. :P
I don't know. Back then I felt I had clarity: there was one path I would and could and maybe should have walked down, but instead I stopped to smell the hibiscus for a while and suddenly it's a crossroad with 42 branches. Oh, did you ever collab with NickPerrin? I don't think I'd heard of him before, should maybe go listen...
Yeah, true, but I don't know if I'd want to aim for those more practical uses... well for inspiration, take a look at Danny Trejo. He started making movies when he was 40, finally got his break when he turned 60 and is now (even though he's 70) spitting out around 10-20 titles per year! Not the same biz at all, but it goes to show that age isn't the real limitation: I believe it's will. As for that 19 - 25 thing, according to studies 25 is the age when you really 'grow up', I read that as 'settle down'... but as long as you still have that dream then why not go for it! Maybe try to not think about it every day and you'll get a sudden burst of inspiration every once in a while? Feels like when I think too much about a project; plan ahead - then I get nowhere. If I just get started and don't put up any unnecessary expectations, it goes much better. Applicable to everything.
Yeah but I don't want a relationship for selfish gain; legacy. I want a warm relationship, ya know? Something I believe would change my outlook on life pretty drastically... but it probably works the other way around, get into a relationship first, gain warmth/trust/clarity, forget about legacy.
I still want to leave a mark on the world too, but I might be doing it the wrong way, leaving a mark on NG... the digital realm isn't a lasting one yet I keep convincing myself that it will be: around forever. Feels like there's a much better mark I could leave but that's a stagnant philosophy.
Yupp, definitely those subtle moral implications. There's been a lot of that in the family. There are plenty of topics I'd never feel comfortable speaking to my parents about, though it seems they don't mind speaking of most things. I wonder where all of that has its roots. My mom's a bit of a Buddhist btw, my dad an agnostic, I think, but they go to the church occasionally. These subtle moral implications don't have much to do with religion, but rather about how 'we' perceive the world around us, what's been said...
Reality does a great job of distorting clarity. Maybe that hibiscus plant was laced with psychedelic compounds and opened your third eye to reality?Second thoughts virtually don't exist in the young. In that sense, retaining the naivety of a child can help you truly get where it is where you want to go...but it can also lead you straight into a brick wall.
You probably heard Nick Perrin's music when you did your spree-reviewing back in the second golden age of NG (2007-2008). Unfortunately, never collaborated with NickPerrin...haven't even spoke with him since early 2009. that guy was/is leagues ahead of me IMO and was in a similar situation that i was back then. now that's a guy that actually consistently followed his passion for music, seems like he is a semi-professional now at the very least, as he's a member of Symphony of Specters. Wonder if he even remembers me...what's up @NickPerrin?
sometimes there has to be a balance between using your skills for practical and artistic purposes though. for example, most professional musicians at first cannot just make money from composing/performing/producing/engineering....they have to teach as well. Now teaching is actually quite fun and probably the most rewarding out of those previous four niches. But I could imagine several "boring" jobs that would involve writers and visual artists. sometimes firms that hire you will stifle your creative visions, and if you feel that regular work done for practical basis would rob you out of the joy of drawing/writing, i see why someone would not want to pursue it.
age isn't a limitation but as you grow older it's just harder to learn new things. Not sure if this has to do with chemical changes in the brain, the cultural implications of "growing up", processing and accumulating more and more information on daily basis leaving the brain less room and time; it's probably a combination of all those factors. And I agree- drastic planning takes the energy out of creative pursuits. When you lose the unnecessary expectations, we are less inhibited in completing projects. The solution to this is to practice your craft and be critical as possible during this time, and then when it comes to the actual production disregard the little things and just have fun with it. much easier said than done though. it's hard to remain disciplined when practicing, and it's hard to not be totally immersed and not be critical of yourself when performing the task.
Oh, I see what you mean now. I think most partners outside of arranged marriages and royalty would have that same view on relationships. The majority of individuals start dating in their teens; don't get married too and/or have children with their first partners. They do it for the mutual warmth and attraction and sometimes social status. I've had a few friends who were adamant about not having children, until they actually had their first child, usually unplanned. Only to wonder why they hadn't tried to be parents earlier.
(characters ran out)... I don't know.
So wouldn't you have a hard time speaking to the family about such an occupation as well?
I agree, I want to make my family proud just as much as I want to chase my own visions. But they would be proud if I did so... not sure what's really holding me back. Minimize disappointment? Sounds like that might be one of the ideas that shackle.
I would already have a hard time applying for such a job, knowing they would have such a strong disapproval. I don't think I could ever directly tell them what I did though.
I'll tell you what actually helped me the most in the past year. In the summer of 2013 I moved quite a ways away from home for an internship. I had conspired with a few other interns to all live in the same apartment complex. During the internship period, while not at work, they dragged me all over the place, to go play disc golf, to go watch a movie, to go out to eat, etcetera. That was not what I wanted to do. That was not what I planned to do. But enjoying those friendships and enjoying the simple pleasures of life really did make me feel pretty good. I didn't get much work done on my creative projects, but I guess it was a much-needed break.
The summer of 2012 I spent a lot of time by myself, trying to write stories and music and learn to draw and all that. I really am quite an introvert, sometimes downright anti-social, but all that time by myself started making me a little crazy I think. Grin. Thank God for the internet!
Even in the middle of a lot of friends, though, I can easily feel isolated. I begin to crave reading (and writing) stories, or watching anime, or playing games that really draw me in and make me feel like I am a part of the lives of the characters, make me feel like I have friendships where I understand and I am understood.
Maybe it's just a bad chemical balance in my brain causing all this. I'm not to keen on the doctor's idea of me taking anti-depressants, though. I think I just have to find the path of life that I can thrive in.
I also feel like I need to just quit my job and move far far away- but are my troubles really tied to a physical location? At any rate, seeing new scenes can be awfully inspiring, so maybe I'll give it a go some day.
It sounds like we both have a wildy wide set of interests. People ask what I want to do. I have no idea. There are many things I can see myself doing. None of them strike me as something I want to do, and only a few as things that I don't want to do. I just want a simple job that gives me enough sustenance to focus on my hobbies. I love creative works, but I really want to keep those as hobbies, I don't want to ever have to take a formal, deadline-infused approach to composing music and writing stories, or even computer programming. I allow my feelings to guide those things, with thinking supporting the feelings. For a formal job, thinking is more important.
Sounds like a great time! What did you plan to do while not at work? Unfortunately I never really got involved with friends at the school i'm at right now. It's primarily my fault. unlike my years as an underclassmen, where I was in dorms for two semesters, and there were social events to go to all the time; seems like everybody has a plan now, and somewhere to be. I wish there was actual internship cohorts in my area of study :( that's just the type of thing to get involved in a community pertinent to my degree both from a social and work standpoint. Just from personal observation, it seems that engineering students are the most socially connected out of everyone (maybe slightly behind music students).
Doesn't sound like a chemical imbalance to me, just part of your character. you are introverted and there's nothing wrong with that, unless you have bad social anxiety to the point that it puts a damper on your overall quality of life. you said you found pleasure in hanging out with your friends, so there's nothing to suggest you have major depression there alone. and not to say all types of prescribed drugs are bad, but they should only be a last resort!
I feel moving far away would be good for me too, it would be nice to just kind of start anew in life. I would have a more valid reason for being social awkward for once, so I would be less shy in public. If you can afford it though, I think you should go for it! Even if it's just in the short term. at the very least you can look back, and derive some pride for being audacious and brave to do something new and extreme...it's rare to hear of someone that's young regret moving, even if they do end up moving back "home" in the end.
that's a good point! I feel like you addressed that idea better than I could. As I said to @Cyberdevil below, life is about finding a balance behind practicality and art (or what we enjoy), I think sometimes when it comes to creative things, and hobbies, its best to just let our emotions and pathos lead the way, and maybe I just haven't been doing that as well I as could lately...
[continued:]
Don't forget to relax. My mind is always racing from thought to thought. I've been learning how to relax, how to enjoy a glass of orange juice without really thinking about anything serious, how to see beauty in simple patterns of nature, how to just spend hours laying in a hammock and enjoying the breeze. Yes, the wind. It is the only thing that comforts me no matter how bad I feel. The wind. Strange, right? Perhaps that is why I sometimes hate windless days.
And don't forget that everybody has their struggles. Helping other people is important, and it can even be a source of healing for yourself. We don't always have things to give, but give when you can, and don't forget that even a simple smile can go a long way.
I hope these words are at least a bit comforting if not even useful.
Your words are indeed both comforting and useful! Inspiring comment about the hammock and breeze too. Sounds like you have neared a state of zen. It's hard to retain such peace of mind on a day to day basis though!
Thanks you very much for your comments!
Here is some music that you may or may not like:
ENERGETIC
http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/515532
http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/485954
http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/508619
http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/391633
CALM
http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/406917
http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/555372
http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/545223
http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/558607
thanks for the music! I will have a listen. wish my flash player worked properly. Not a big deal, I can just download them...
Haha, true. I always considered myself pretty wise back when I didn't have second thoughts, maybe I was...
Maybe, not that good at remembering names. It's never too late. :)
Right. So easy to get stuck in a monotonous rut.
From the mouth of the aforementioned man himself "Machete don't tweet". :P As for not being able to learn when you're old, there are some inspiring exceptions in the corporate world, I think it comes down to how most old people intentionally stop learning: they don't want to learn things, they are content, or maybe they are discontent and don't want to feel any more of it. Those who are passionate about what they do, they can go on forever. To a certain extent maybe it's all about honing existing skills, but I don't think the brain deteriorates that fast. My grandma lived till she was 92 had a clear mind all her life, her memory with names and events was incredible, she knew everything that was going on in her town at any given moment. Guess that's something she was passionate about?
Yeah, takes discipline, and I think a lot of people perceive discipline the wrong way, they see discipline as something monotone and boring, it just means staying focused on whatever's at hand. It's like when I'm writing this message, I have two music videos and five P-Bot submissions open in other tabs that I am continually tempted to switch to and just take a break for I finish writing this... and usually I probably would, need to learn how to focus naturally...
That sounds promising. :) About them relationships, not so much the job.
I thought it was "Machete don't text" or is that a line from the new sequel? I've only seen the first one
And @Krichotomy that was an inspiring read, summed up a lot of thoughts I have/had that I don't think I've managed to write down. Relaxing's really an art, I find myself trying not to relax because I feel it'll bring up all sorts of thoughts and issues I'd rather not be aware of; better stay immersed in whatever tasks are at hand. If I do relax it's with something that occupies my mind: a book, a game... not so much at ease; finding peace in a greeting breeze. :)
As for locations linked to certain feelings, I've been thinking of how it's important to attain a positive mindset right before you move, so that once you reach the target destination then you'll automatically associate it with positive things. Probably me over-thinking things as usual though, if the move is positive that should all be automatic. It'd be like the new year, a new start, letting go of old expectations and gaining new ones.
Yeah, that's a "Machete Kills" quote. :) Already looking forward to the sequel...
Apart from Return of the Killer Tomatoes it just might be the only B-movie series I've seen with some famous actors innit, Mel Gibson, Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas, Downing Jr.... it's an awesome mesh.
"What did you plan to do while not at work?" Well, I didn't usually plan anything, but my roommates planned going to play disc golf, watch a movie, just eat and chill, stuff like that. We even went to see the Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Godessess!
Yeah, it certainly gets harder to find people to hang out with.
No, I know that I have a problem. It is aggravated by stress, or by certain foods, or some other things. It is a weird and very displeasant feeling in my mind and I can't focus on anything while it is going on.
SileNt-Sam
yay china
S3C
from Korea